Michaeline: Names from a Candy Shop

Gentleman offering two ladies in evening gowns some biscuits. Circa 1900, very gorgeous and rich. And delicious!

Champ Lefevre offered the lovely ladies his special hypnotic biscuits to go with their champagne. (Image via Wikimedia Commons)

Ah, the season of sugarplums (whatever those really are, LOL)! I dreamt I went to the local import shop, and dropped about $40 (US) on candy, and called it “research” for this blog. And one by one, characters began to pop up in my head.

Droog Bewaren laboriously picked and pitoned his way up to my dream plateau. My fantasy hero was dressed in furs, and his blonde beard was frosty from his breath. He told me a woeful story of growing up in the swamps of Gervuld, but then he received The Call to come to my cool, crisp plateau high in the mountains of his country. He managed to convey all that in about 10 words; Droog isn’t really a talker. He mostly brooded gloomily until . . . .

Ingwer Kirsch bounded up, nimble as a mountain goat. My lovely heroine is young and full of feist; she’s got quite a kick to her as well as an air of sweet efficiency. Droog certainly perked up as soon as he saw her.

Our villain, Scrioppo di Glucosio, dropped in from a dangerous-looking airship powered by squirrels. We had to keep a constant watch for falling hazelnut shells and other . . . exhaust. Glucosio was one of those villains who practiced the milk of human kindness as if it were a half-understood branch of mathematics. He’d be sweet to your face, but then he’d sucker-punch you in the kidneys as soon as you did something “wrong” or if you “disrespected” him in any way.

“Uncle!” Ingwer screamed. “You’ll never take me back! Never! I repudiate you!” Uncle Scrioppo leered and twirled his moustache (of course he did), but Droog unsheathed his broadsword and cut him down. Ingwer hugged him in gratitude then motioned him up the ladder to the waiting airship. “Come along, lady,” she called. “We must save Alpenbauer from my uncle’s henchmen!” But I shook my head sadly. Sorry, my dears, I have a blog to write.

And then I was on my cool, crisp plateau, alone again with nothing but a laptop computer to keep me company.

Our Cast of Characters:
Droog Bewaren: he’s appeared on various snack wrappers as part of a warning to keep things cool and dry. This is his first role as a leading man.
Ingwer Kirsch: Also known as Ginger Cerise. She’s cherry-ginger candy from Alpenbauer who enjoys practicing the martial arts of Bayrische Bonbonlutschkultur in her free time.
Scrioppo di Glucosio: as the main ingredient in Ingwer-Kirsch bon-bons, he’s also known as Glucose Syrup on the English stage. He’s part of the famous comedy team, Scrioppo di Glucosio and Zucchero.

I’m sure that in our international world, someone would catch me out on these names and write me letters that wouldn’t be full of praise and laughter. But then again, Ian Fleming used absolutely ridiculous names to great effect (Truly Scrumptious in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang), so maybe I’m part of a long, secret tradition. Where do you dream up your names?

4 thoughts on “Michaeline: Names from a Candy Shop

  1. Droog makes me think of A Clockwork Orange, and with a surname like Bewaren I see him maybe as a powerful wizard or the Grand Vizier or some other scary dude keeping everything in order. My hero might be Marlon Glace, rich, delicious and usually makes an appearance around this time of year, or if you prefer someone spicier, what about Gleb Kuchen (I’m a big fan of his). And maybe the dark sultry stepmother or Droog’s jealous ex could be Gianduja Bombe – smooth, dark, melting and nutty.

    I have to stop now. This is making my mouth water 😉 .

  2. OMG, smooth, dark, melting and nuttty? And a name like “Bombe. Gia Bombe”? That’s heroine material!

    Your heroes make me drool, too. *Droog Bewaren* *Droog Bewaren*.

    I just can’t get over that set of syllables. Transform him into Drew B. Warren, and he’d make a very decent sort of contemporary hero, I think. (Possibly too decent?)

  3. I love these names! So fitting, and yet so funny! I think I would add secondary characters Pfeffernusse Schneck, the curious little girl with braids, and Gebrannte Rindfleisch, the crusty old colonel with a heart of gold.

    • LOL, great! First, I gotta say that pfeffernusse is just one of those comedic words. I was listening to the Night Vale podcast last night, and Cecil took some pfeffernusse cookies to the secret police monitoring his home just because it’s the holidays. I brightened up. I could repeat that word a dozen times and still find some hidden giggle in it.

      And Colonel Rindfleisch is another one of Ingwer’s uncles, I think. I googled him, and it looks like he’s got an identical cousin across to sea that goes by the name of Colonel James “Beef” Wellington. Because you know, a story like this just HAS to have an identical cousin. I believe they both work for the cause of good, but I wouldn’t really know until the story had been written.

      Rindfleish is apparently a real German surname! I tried googling Ingwer quickly to see if it could be used as a real first name, but only came up with one surname. Ginger is rare as a name in English, but The Actress on Gilligan’s Island was named Ginger, so it’s not an impossible name.

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